Today is the 26th November 2015.

I've never been more depressed and unhappy in my life thus far. In what I do everyday now, I can hardly see any light at the end. I've lost the purpose of living. 

I've lost my patience, and I've lost my faith too. 

In this difficult time, I've received help truly grateful for. But they are mostly from my circle of people, doubling the favors I owed everyone. I feel really bad that these angels are helping me but I can't return them anything. My family have helped so much in so many ways and so many times. This is worse than finding out I have cancer. 

I thought my partner would fight this together, but he's physically and mentally too pathetically weak to do anything. It's obvious he's not trying hard enough, thinking he's still a patient in the ward. I don't even wanna talk about him or his family anymore. So much in me have died for him. 

I am unable to express my thoughts and emotions to anyone, not my best of friends, not my family, no one. Because they can understand what I'm going through is tough, but they will never feel what I feel. No one will be able to.

I took this chance of romance in exchange of giving up my dream, just to land myself in this situation today, it's a joke. I feel lonelier than ever trying to brave on this storm single handedly. I'm depleting my faith faster than I could possible replenish them. 

I think about giving up everyday, sometimes just a few times everyday, sometimes ten over times a day. I don't know why I'm pushing on, but I just work everyday for the sole purpose of completing them. There's hardly any sincerity felt anymore. I don't know when I'll finally give in, but I'm thinking soon. 

They say take a day off, give yourself a break. I've done it but it only got worse. 

Everything is meaningless, no point, disappointing and making me angry. It's bullshit bullshit BULLSHITTTTTT!